Carnations for Stephanie Version 2

“Todd?” I felt a small tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, I saw it was Lilly, her red pigtails sticking straight out of her head. Lilly sat at my table when ever Ms. Ogg said it was art time. I didn’t like Lilly, she was always teasing me, but that’s only because she likes me.
“Yeah, Lilly?”
“Todd, how come you have two mommies?” In the future, I would get this question a lot, at least that’s what Stephanie told me. She also told me how to respond.
“Because I’m such a handful, that I need two mommies, and two mommies are better than one.” Stephanie’s words echoed in my head as I said them. Lilly tilted her head to the right, her pigtails flopping about as she did so.
“But, what about your daddy?” I just stared at her. Not only was she annoying me, but she was confusing me with all of her questions.
“Because,” I state matter of factly, “I don’t’ need a daddy, I have Stephanie. I try to keep this memory reverberating through my skull, but the pounding of the rain on the casket washes it away. Whether is was the lively flowers that lined her casket or the constant feeling like she was standing right behind be, resting her hand on my shoulder, it still hasn’t registered in my head that she’s gone. Gone, as in not here anymore. Not working at the garden supply store, not tending to her flowers, not standing out back ready to throw the football to relieve some stress, not anywhere.
“Todd, Todd?” Rachael’s voice felt like a bright light on my shoulder. I turned my head slightly. Not enough to actually see her, but enough to let her know that I acknowledged her.
“It’s time to go now Todd. Everyone has left.” I hadn’t realized it, but I had been staring at my feet the entire time and when I finally lifted my head I expected the crowd of family and friends to still be there. They weren’t. I then look at the lonely headstone and the freshly piled dirt.
“Stephanie Abigail Bregger, 1973-2009” I read my mom’s name under my breath. Mom. I’ve never thought of her as mom until now, I always called her Stephanie, just like I never called Rachael mom. They had introduced themselves as Stephanie and Rachael so that’s just what I called them. But there wasn’t anymore Stephanie and Rachael, there was just Rachael now.

"Let me talk to him," Lilly said softly, "I'm sure I could get him to eat something, or at least come out of his room." I couldn't see her, or Rachael, but I could tell that she had turned her head towards my door as her voice trailed off.
"Alright Lilly, but don't get your hopes up. I practically had to drag him home, this is just so," I flinched. Rachael's usually clear, sweet voice had been stifled by a small sob.
"It's okay to miss her Rachael," Lilly whispered, "but both you and Todd need each other, and I adore Todd I really do, but he needs to realize that he needs you just as much as you need him. That's where I want to help." Rachael didn't respond, but I figured she must have nodded her head since I could hear Lilly's hand on the door knob.
"Todd?", there was an awkward pause as she placed her right foot on the maroon carpet, "it's me, Lilly." Like I hadn't figured that out already. She didn't say a word as she traveled the ten feet from my door to my bed where I was laying motionless. Not one sound, just stood there at the edge of my bed, starring at me. Finally, she spoke.
"C'mon, Todd, get up," she paused "please?" Then the awkward silence came back; creating an erie, invisible, fog in the room.
"Please," she tries again, "please get up." Before the fog can creep on back, she walks over the my desk, grabs a chair, drags it back to the side of my bed, and sits down.
"Do you have any idea how selfish you're being?" Despite being filled with dread, I alow myself to chuckle inside. Tough love has always been Lilly's way.
"Rachael is filled with just as much pain as you are, if not more, but you don't see her moping in her room now do you? No, she is up and about, cooking, cleaning, taking care of you. Yet you lie here wallowing in self pitty." I can feel her eyes burning into my back. She is right, I can't deny it, but somehow I can't find the will to move. So Lilly does it for me. She grabs my left shoulder an pulls, forcing me on my back, forcing me to face her. Her face is right next to mine. So close I can feel her heat. After only ten seconds, her blazing eyes die down to a soft flame, and she sits back in the chair. The natural sofness in her face returns.
"She needs to Todd. Rachael neeeds you," she looks down at her hands, "I need you." She lifts her head and stares, not at me, but just past me.
"I'm telling you, as your best friend," her voice trails off, then lets a small, almost microscopic smile, trace her lips, "to get over yourself." I let my internal chuckle slip out, but only the slightest bit.
"There's Todd." she whispers, letting her smile grow,
"C'mon." She takes my hand jerks her head towards the door.
"Come get some food."